Proceed with caution. This will be long and sort of gross. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Logan’s birth day is a day I will never forget. More like days. Yes it lasted 42 hrs. It may not be the longest delivery ever, but it felt like an eternity.
On Monday October 13th, 2014 I went for my 38 week Ob visit. The Dr. checked me and said no progress. I was still 1 cm dilated and 60% effaced, the same as my last appointment. She said that since I’m a first time mom, I will most likely go overdue and we can talk induction for my due date next week. Well that night I came home and lost my mucus plug. Yuck. I warned you. The avid Googler that I am, I obliviously looked it up right away and it said that I may have the baby soon or it could still be weeks. Great… But then 2 days later…
You know how people say that right before you go in labor, you start nesting like crazy. It’s exactly what happened. On Wednesday October 15th, I woke up and had to clean the house. It had to be spotless. Then I went on a major grocery shopping spree and spent the rent of my day (and night) doing freezer meals and cleaning my kitchen. After making a dozen different freezer meals, pancakes and muffins, at around 7 p.m. I went to the bathroom and saw that I had the bloody show. Gross. Soon after I started to get some minor lower back pains. I knew this was “it”. I just had this feeling and quickly texted my sister letting her know that I think tomorrow is “the” day. I went and bounced on my exercise ball for a little and the back pains came and went. I went to sleep that night waking up on and off through the night with back pain. From all my pregnancy books and labor class, I thought contractions would feel like stronger menstrual cramps and that was definitely not what I felt. At that point I figured I must be in back labor. I woke up around 5 a.m. and I knew I won’t be able to sleep much longer so I went in the tub for a while. I tried timing the back pains and they were every 5-8 mins apart and lasting from 20-50 secs. Chris woke up and asked me if I was ok and at that point I felt just fine. The pain wasn’t bad at all. So we went for a walk in the park hoping to speed things along. By the time we got home my contractions were 5-7 mins apart. Better.
We watched a movie, I took a nap and around 4:30 p.m. I called my Dr. I hadn’t felt the baby move in a while so the nurse said to go to the hospital to get checked just in case. Chris put our bags in the car and we leisurely went to the hospital still thinking that we probably will be just sent home.
Once I was admitted to triage, the nurse checked me and I was only 1.5 cm! So in the 22 hrs of contractions I was only 0.5 cm more then at my Dr. visit 2 days before. Just great. But the baby’s heartbeat was nice and strong, no signs of any distress. My contractions were coming in every 3-4 mins so they decided to let me stay and watch for progress. They checked me in an hour and I was at 2 cm. My Dr. decided to admit me and since I was exactly 39 weeks, we would induce if we need to. I was transferred to a room and my Dr. let me eat a last meal before I started the IV fluids.
By 9 p.m. I was in active labor ready to transition. Holy pain. I went from feeling just slightly uncomfortable to in gut wrenching pain. I felt like I had two little ninjas jumping and stabbing my lower back with a knife. I remember telling my husband “I can’t do this any more!!” and “Where the hell is Tom??? over and over again. Oh and by the way, Tom is an angel sent from God to take away all my pain. Also known as the anesthesiologist.
I got checked at 12:00 a.m. and I was 5 cm and Tom finally came to see me. That night he was my best friend. The epidural felt incredible. It felt a little strange putting it in, but I was in so much pain that I would’ve done anything for some sweet relief. After epi kicked in, I felt incredible! All the pain – gone and I took a nice nap. At 6 a.m. I got checked and I was still 5 cm. So that was one negative of the drugs, it stopped all progress. My Dr. broke my water, but no fluid came out. It was all stuck behind baby’s head. At 8 a.m. and yet again no progress, we started Pitocin. Since baby was sunny side up, the nurse had me switch sides to get him to turn.
At 10 a.m. and still 5 cm but 100% effaced, Chris left me to get some food. At 10:45 a.m. I started to feel some pressure so the nurse checked me and I was 9 c.m. I started to panic that Chris wasn’t there and was just about to call him when he walked through the door. The nurse got everything ready and by 11:30 a.m. it was go time! I gave a practice push and I couldn’t feel a thing. I had no idea how or when to push!
By 12:00 p.m. after a dozen pushes my epidural started to wear off. And all of the sudden I felt everything!! My nurse called my Dr who was at a different hospital. For the next 30 mins. while waiting on the Dr. my nurse told me to try not to push which was pretty much impossible!! And the pain was unreal. I felt soo much stretching and pressure. Once my Dr. got there and after 2 pushes the baby was crowning. Now that was hands down the worst pain of my life. I felt so painfully stretched and holy ring of fire!! My Dr was doing a perennial massage to help with tearing and all I could do was tell her to stop because the stretching was unbearable.
And after a few more pushes on October 17th, 2014 at 12:56 p.m. the most beautiful baby boy was born at 8 lbs 11 oz and 22 in tall. You always picture this incredible moment when your baby comes out, starts crying right away and is put on your chest while dad cuts the umbilical cord. It didn’t exactly happen like that. Logan didn’t make a sounds.
They put him on my chest for a split second and took him away. I was terrified of what was happening and why he wasn’t crying. Chris didn’t get to cut the cord, we both looked at each other scared to death. And then while I was getting stitched up and delivering the placenta, I heard it, the most beautiful cry. I was soo relieved. But besides that I felt… Nothing. Empty. I didn’t feel bonded to him, I didn’t even feel like he was mine. I felt completely depleted of emotion.
I think because I was robbed out of our first moments together and was drained from the long labor I felt completely out of it. But once I held him, the love was instant. He was so beautiful, I cried. I was a mom! It felt beyond surreal that this perfect little human being was all mine. The first few days, I felt lost, overwhelmed and way over my head, but soon I realized that I knew exactly what he needed. Love.